Stick Figures

Back in those days of big hair and parachute pants known as the 1980s there was another annoying fad known as "Baby on Board". Yup, those little yellow plastic diamonds suction-cupped into the back window of the family mini-van. They were annoying and got no less annoying (though slightly more humorous) as their parody signs started spouting up all over the place.

I rarely see any of those anymore, for that I'm grateful.

Their replacement is even more offensive and annoying though. Stick figure families. Have ya seen 'em, they're like Colorforms for your rear window (I know, I'm old you probably don't even know what a Colorform is, look it up, you're on the internet)? The back window of the family Prius now sports a stick figure depiction of the family that drives around in said Prius. I have never actually seen these stick figure thingys for sale anywhere which makes me think that they are only available in stores that cater to the cult of family which I don't frequent.

Since I don't know where or how one acquires these little gems I can only entertain that in my incredibly boring fantasy world. Does one go eagerly into the "Stick Figure Store" and peruse the wide selection of stick figures? I've noticed that you never see a stick figure family of fattys, do they not exist or do you just choose to fictionalize yourself as a thin, hip family or do only thin, attractive, hip families buy these? (As usual, SO MANY QUESTIONS.)

These adorable little stick figures families often depict a pony-tailed mom, a sporty dad and any variety and combo of little kids. A young boy with a hockey stick, a young girl in a ballet tutu, perhaps two little diapered babies and let's not leave out the family pets, a dog and two cats.

What does it all mean? Do I care that you are allegedly the proud bearer of the "perfect American family?" Do you care that this is your legacy depicted on the window of your car like some ancient cave painting?

Of course I have seen the occasional single mom depiction which makes me want to approach the woman and point out that she's driving an advertisement for sexual predators. "Looky me, I drive a Mercedes SUV, I have no spouse and two teen-age daughters, please follow me home to my darkened McMansion". Does this stuff only occur to me? Granted I have a long commute which affords me far too much time for my mind to wander down these unlit parking lots of thought but still…

I have a fantasy of finally seeing one that depicts sad reality. A single woman and then along the entire remainder of available window space 30 or 40 stick figure cats. That one'll be sure to keep people a safe distance away. "Hey, look at me; I'm that cat lady your friends all warned you about!" I haven't seen it yet but I know she's out there and will one day proudly display her true self.