A friend of mine has 3 young kids. I'm friends with her because in her youth she was a fun, rockin' chick, now she's a boring mom who blathers on relentlessly on Facebook about the various antics of her kids as well as posting random questions seeking advice from other moms just like HER. This week she posted that she had to bring the candy for the Easter egg hunt on Saturday to one of her kids' schools. She had been given specific instructions NOT to bring any candy made in a factory due to the risk of exposure to various potential allergens. REALLY? Someone pointed out warnings like that SPECIFICALLY meant Hershey candies. Huh, seems that more than just Hershey makes their candy in factories but whatever.
Candy is made in FACTORIES. Do they expect her to go somewhere that makes custom candies? That would be a tad expensive for a bunch of 5 year olds to smear all over their brand new outfits, no?
At the risk of garnering the ire of my friend's mommy squad I posted "Everyday there's another reason I'm glad I don't have kids so thanks <Friend> for yet another reason to be grateful I don't have kids. Gotta go get myself a Hershey bar now…wait, I don't have kids I can afford the expensive stuff!" Interestingly (so far) my snarky comment has been ignored as more and more helpful suggestions pour in to advice my pal how to solve her candy dilemma. Lucky me to be spared the wrath of the momsters.
Of course this led to a morning chat while work-bound with one of my MANY other childfree friends about these mommy things we have no use for. We noted, as we have many times in the past, that we don't remember food allergies when we were young. Peanuts were a mainstay for most of the kids I knew, we LIVED on PB&J sandwiches, we learned to make them early and enjoyed them often. PB&J was an awesome snack on saltine crackers while watching Mr. Ed on TV or while telling ghost stories at a sleepover with my cousins. We had lunch tables quite literally dripping with peanut butter & jelly throughout my grammar school years.
What happened? Where did all these damn food allergies come from?
My friend during our morning chat was the one who suggested the title of this post, "why not just bring whiskey and smokes?" It kinda makes sense, why NOT bring whiskey and smokes? I doubt if any of the little darlings are allergic to those two items and the whiskey might just kill off any potential allergens in it's path.
So kids, let's toss a few back and light up that Lucky Strike!
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