Human Babies

This may sound odd to some (most?) people but I finally identified this the other day. Human babies creep me out.

Uh-huh, they do. I know a lot of people think human babies are just the cutest things ever but the more I think about it the more they just plain creep me out. I'm creeped out by their little pudgy legs and sausage-like arms and the unnatural way their fingers and toes seem to work. They're legs don't even lay right until they've been walking for a while, their legs just kinda splay out all bowlegged and stuff.

I saw a commercial the other day for Cheerios, apparently the cereal of babies and people who need to lower their cholesterol (interesting combo), there was a tight close-up of a baby in a high chair picking up a Cheerio in her pudgy little fingers and stuffing it in her little round "O" of a mouth. Based on the voiceover copy and the overall tone of the commercial I'm certain it was meant to be adorable but between those little, uncoordinated, pudgy fingers and the "O" mouth I was completely grossed out.

Actually most of the faces they make strike me as odd. I guess since we have no idea what's going on in their little human brain we can't figure out why they're wrinkling their nose or puffing out their cheeks which adds to the overall grossness of the behavior.

Of course there's always the great moment when you realize that the little critter also has a "poopy face" (we'll get to the whole diaper thing next). Yuppers, it's lovely when the parent looks over and says, "oh, that's his poopy face". Ya know what? I think if that were me and I was able to identify a "poopy face" I'd grab the little bundle and race it to the nearest toilet, rip that diaper off and sit it down there. Look, start early, Freud's wacko theories about potty training were debunked years ago move on.

Diapers. They're another thing that just freaks me out. As the little bowlegged critter toddles around there's this big ol' bulge of diaper all over the place. Of course we all know what goes on in those things, the kid is sitting there peeing and pooping on themselves, which, GROSS.

Then there's the spit-up. They just do it. No aversion to it or anything. One minute they can be fine and the next minute the smell of sour milk is spewing from them in a gooey stream. OMG that is disgusting.

The more I think about it the more I realize just how non-cute I think human babies are. What is it that people get all gaga about when they see a human baby? Puppies and kittens? Now THEY'RE cute!